The Cabinet Subscriber Test
1. Object 114868-7(34) in Record Group 118 of the United States National Archives and Records Administration—Northeast Region (New York) is
A. A cassette tape
B. A modified umbrella
C. A box of raspberry Jell-O
D. Two boxes over from Object 114868-7(32) in Record Group 118 of the United States National Archives and Records Administration—Northeast Region (New York)
2. Johann Konrad Dippel, discoverer of Prussian Blue, was born in a castle associated with what famous movie monster?
A. Dracula
B. Frankenstein
C. The Mummy
D. Mike Wazowski
3. When God calls to Adam in the Garden of Eden and asks him “Who told you that you were naked? From the tree I commanded you not to eat have you eaten?” Adam responds:
A. “Eve’s fault was it; to me to eat the fruit from the tree she told.”
B. “The woman whom you gave by me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”
C. “The snake dude made me do it.”
D. “That depends on what the meaning of the word ‘eat’ is.”
4. The Hippocratic Oath requires doctors to pledge allegiance to
A. The flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands
B. Apollo the Physician, Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses
C. Ascelpius the Physicist and Apollo and Hygenica and Panicceria and all the gods and goddesses
D. The State of Rock-n-Roll
5. The “holy trinity” revered by the Vietnamese religion Cao Dai consists of
A. Mao Tse-tung, Le Thanh Tong, and Honoré de Balzac
B. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
C. Sun Yat-sen, Nguyen Binh Kheim, and Victor Hugo
D. Larry, Curly, and Moe
6. Benjamin is to hashish as Burroughs is to
A. Yagé
B. Salvia Divinorum
C. Coca
D. Pepsi
7. Monsieur Carron’s 1891 “Machine for Sensational Emotions” afforded users what experience?
A. Spinning at high speed in an enormous circular drum erected in the Jardin des Tuilerie
B. “Flying” in a harness attached to wires leading from the parapets of Notre Dame to the forecourt of the Hôtel de Ville
C. Dropping in a capsule from the top of the Eiffel Tower onto a bed of huge springs
D. Being seated between the Countesses Lohân and Spéars at a dinner
8. WWI soldiers attacked with chlorine gas at Ypres detected in its distinctive smell the scent of what fruit?
A. Pineapple
B. Apple
C. Pine
D. Neapple
9. In Tim Davis’s screenplay pitch for An American Plaice, the romantic leads (Gutsy Housewife and The Grocer) are to be played by
A. Carrie Fisher and Laurence Fishburne
B. Griselda Pollock and Stanley Fish
C. Holly Hunter and Chris Cooper
D. Rachel Ray and Joe Pesce
10. Which of the following authors wrote while lying down?
A. “Standin’” Sinclair Lewis
B. “Jumpin’” James Joyce
C. Charles “The Squatter” Dickens
D. Truman Capote
11. The cover of the 1986 Braintree Scientific catalog features a rat in a reworked version of what famous painting?
A. Malevich’s Suprematist Composition: White on White
B. Courbet’s L’Origine du monde
C. Duchamp’s Nude Descending a Staircase
D. Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus
12. Human beings share twenty-five percent of their DNA with what other organisms?
A. Chimpanzees
B. Coral
C. Lettuce
D. New Yorkers
13. For his project “Shopping in Sin,” where did Casey Logan go to buy things?
A. The gun counter at Wal-Mart
B. Toys in Babeland
C. The home of a recently deceased man
D. The town of Sin, Azerbaijan
14. The given name of the man considered the inventor of fire insurance was
A. Heed-not-the-word-of-the-devil Barelybone
B. Unless-Christ-had-died-for-thee-thou-hadst-been-damned Barebone
C. If-thou-wouldst-not-stop-doing-that-thy-face-shall-stay-that-way Butterbone
D. Praise-God Barebone
15. The number of actors’ headshots in circulation in New York City over the course of one year represents enough photo paper to
A. Build a bridge between Times Square and Piccadilly Circus
B. Bury the streets of Manhattan’s theater district to a depth of six feet
C. Create a giant papier-mâché effigy of William Shatner
D. Reach to Mars
16. What was the Elizabethan poet John Donne describing when he wrote: “Cruel and sudden, hast thou since / Purpled thy nail in blood of innocence?”
A. A DIY disaster
B. Matricide
C. The Tuesday morning discount manicures at Zuleica Dominican Style on Flatbush
D. The killing of a flea by a reluctant mistress
17. What did Buckminster Fuller call the geodesic dome he built as the US Pavilion at Expo ’67 in Montreal?
A. My Canadian golf ball
B. Anne’s Taj Mahal
C. The Northern Hemisphere
D. An oversized dandelion
18. The pliable fire hose was invented by which painter?
A. Jan van der Heyden
B. Frans Hals
C. Smokey van der Bear
D. Johannes Vermeer
19. The “hidden” message beneath the fig leaf on the cover of Cabinet’s “Shame” issue is taken from what book of the Bible?
A. Psalms
B. Leviticus
C. Genitalicus
D. Genesis
20. At the funeral of Day-Glo inventor Robert Switzer, his grandson Peter placed what object in the casket just before it was sealed?
A. A copy of Cream’s Disraeli Gears album
B. A fluorescent golf ball
C. An orange safety cone
D. A scale model of Furthur, the bus the Merry Pranksters used for their legendary cross-country road trip